it was a nice holiday. I made everyone gifts and even though less people got gifts from me this year, I think the fact that I made them made it more special and people enjoyed them more, or at least it seemed like they did. My mother laughed at me for trying to learn crochet on youtube, because she has been doing it as a hobby for 40 years and gave up on teaching me because I'm  clumsy and left handed... the dread. But she liked the scarf I made her and didn't laugh at it.

i got a lot of crafting supplies, craft store gift certificates and my mom grabbed me a lot of black pearl cotton which I am excited to use for tatting.

this was a thrilling post about xmas.

thoughts on my time line about melissa regan...

A lot of people have looked at it, and a lot of times it's just the same few people reading it over and over again and I guess I'd be a horrible person if I didn't tell the other conclusion that might have happened. I guess since it's a negative post and I really hope that I don't want people to think that meeting people online isn't fun, because it is. The truth is that my ordeal with Melissa is a one-time thing. Melissa is one awful, awful person but that doesn't mean that everyone you meet on the internet is a psychopathic pedophile. Most of the people I've met online through fandom have been truly amazing, wonderful people. I've traveled to cons and stuff to hang out with my online pals and I have nothing but fun adventures with them. So, please, please don't mistake my post about Melissa as the truth about all online fandomers, it's only the truth about Melissa.

play the villain

Finished "Play the Villain"... it took me a lot longer than I thought it would since it was my first time making a zine. Now I'm working on the 2nd volume of Chronic called "Venus Atrophied"... Play the Villain is more about a concept, rather than a story. Venus is all about the story. I really like making these. 

http://demonmilk.storenvy.com/products/3564934-chronic-zine-1-play-the-villain

So please buy a copy, I promise it won't hurt you. :P

The thing is that I more or less forget that this blog even exists. I just do all my silly blogging over my deviantart account and totally forget that I have an actual blog that is meant for blogging purposes. This has happened to me like, four times. I just have so many abandoned blogs because I just end up saying whatevs on deviantart.... I'm trying, truly, I am. I am mostly posting about my adventures here because it was one hell of an adventure.


Well, I got to meet Anne Rice, and no, I'm not kidding. Anne Rice actually came to the itsy bitsy town that I live in to do a book signing. Honestly, half of the people there I am entirely sure were not from my town. I keep hearing a lot of british accents in town lately, why would so many british people want to visit upstate new york? "Oh wow, we're from some place dark and rainy, better go take a vacation to a place that is slightly less dark and rainy but still extremely depressing". Apparently, Anne Rice's publishers are the ones calling the shots on where she goes, and while I have no idea why they'd ever want to come here, I am eternally grateful that they did.

Don't worry, it came with a 26$ hardcover book so really, quite the deal.

What bothered me during the Q&A was all of the people with their fucking dslrs and ipads and cameras holding their hands up for AN ENTIRE HOUR. Look guys, Anne Rice and her son were answering questions while seated in chairs. Do you need 200 pictures of that? Take one and sit the fuck down and get your huge camera out of the way. It's bad enough that I've always been short and stuck sitting behind tall people. I did not go there two hours early to stand in line, to get a good seat in the second row, just to have some fuckass with a dslr hold up their camera and block my entire line of vision for an hour. Other than rude people, it was fantastic. Both Anne Rice and her son are really great speakers and the q&A panel was a lot of fun, especially since the audience asked some silly questions and got fun answers.

After that, there was a book signing, I wasn't sure if we'd be allowed to bring older books to sign, since I really wanted to have my copy of the vampire lestat signed since it's a book that has a lot of sentimental value to me. But I brought my copy anyways, just in case we did, and we could! Which made me very happy. Anne Rice is very kind and signed everyone's books, even the books of those people who brought 30+ (no not a joke, more than one person brought that many for her to sign) books. I felt less bad having her sign two, but even still, she's very kind to have signed so many books. I am always a bit nervous, no thanks to my constantly malfunctioning thyroid gland, but I was super nervous to go. Probably because that is Anne Rice, who is truly amazing brilliant and I am...kind of a silly gothic jackass. I was perpetually afraid that I might say something totally stupid but I kept myself composed and just thanked her quickly for writing a book that was really helped me get through some awful points in my life.

cringe channel.... my inspiration

I find it great that her name is Melissa.
It really, really, makes my day.
Especially when she slips her own name in the reading.

play the...

I've been doing some tatting and working on some zines, which I think will be lots of fun since I've never made a zine before but I like the idea of making little "mini books" that only take a few months to produce rather than a few years. Because I have lots of themes I'd like to explore in my art but not a great deal of time, so zines are like, a pretty fun compromise. Plus I can sell them and make some money too which would be all different kids of fantastic. The one I am working on right now is about being the villain, or at least playing the part of one for the fun of it.

So I'm upping my photography to 11 lately, creating all kinds of cool images and backgrounds for my zine.

Flat... it's flat!!

Working on book binding some of my writing... I guess it doesn't seem like much of an achievement, but hey! Flat books! I feel pretty accomplished right about now.

kids these days

Yesterday I was harassed quite unfabulously by a craft store employee who told me that I had to be over eighteen in order to buy paint, because "kids my age" use paint to deface public property. Which would have been logical if I were buying spray paint, but I wasn't. I was buying water color paint, the expensive artist brand that costs like 50$ (and yes, I obviously used a 60% off any one regular priced item coupon. I'm not dumb) and come in a tiny box. Clearly, people are going to use that to deface buildings because clearly, we've all seen teenagers in gansta rap hoodies on the side of a building holding a container of water in one hand and gently brushing the side of the wall with a small brush in the other. I didn't have my ID so I just went to the back and gave the manager a stern talking to about how it is ridiculous to profile people based on age, that nobody uses expensive artist watercolor to do graffiti, and that I am in fact, over twenty years old and I demand to be treated the same as every other adult who walks into their store even if I look like a douchey hipster. I also enjoyed buying a nice big pad of water color paper for 5$, even though I prefer a heavier weight paper, 30 pages for 5$ is a pretty sweet deal.


I now have my paint.

the imaginary cult

Superhell! was my most popular fanfic, which always made me happy because people enjoyed it for the satire and then some readers didn't get the satire but loved it anyways and became the point that proved the satire. And then I finished all 100k+ words of Superhell!..... the fanfiction, and started Superhell! the novel.

But Superhell! lives on quite privately, in five notebooks, all of which are silver glitter covered ones. Superhell! continues to be my most well loved story, and the thing of mine that gets more pageviews per month than any of my stories, and my old Superhell! site still gets a lot of people who go to it just to reread the story and my printed volumes of Superhell! had three short runs. It was amazing, and I am still really grateful for all the friends I've made writing Superhell! and all the people who are still hanging around, waiting for the novel re-write to show up.

But it's been a year and I've been writing a whole new Superhell! The page has turned for me. I am a different person than I was three years ago, and Superhell! the novel is NOTHING like Superhell! the fanfic. It is stronger, more coherent, and the points it makes are biting and honest. It fiction that is "truer than the truth". I am writing a book that I believe it, and I really hope that everyone else believes in it too. I hope that when I finally release the novel Superhell!, people will be blown away by how different it is. Superhell! is it's own movement, and it's own book, and it's own genre. I am truly proud of what it is so far, I truly believe it is going to be one of the most groundbreaking and innovative novels written in this century.

You'll just have to wait and see. :)

Sometimes I feel like I do not have a 'refined' enough image, y'know what I'm talking about. So many people have their own little box that they fit into, and even when you talk about creative arts and crafts and writing, where being unique is seen as the 'thing to do' people still have their little boxes and niches online which really helps people get more viewers, and I guess I don't really have that at all. Everyone has their own little schitck, and I have... well, me. I'm too weird to be liked by even the weirdoes because you can't predict what i will do. I like nerdy stuff, I like cosplay, but I also like frilly clothes and postmodern literature and making lace, then wearing glitter ad pleather pants. Whatever people want to watch or follow someone online they have a reason why, "they post cool photos" or "I really like what they make". But when you make so many different things and have such a long, laundry-list of what you like, it's kind of hard to get to get anyone to pay attention to you. Someone may like my photos but they don't like my silly drawings about homestuck, but they may like my silly fandom art but they may hate my legit writing.

Everyone has something they are good at, some people are good at photomanips, some people draw fanart, some people sew stuff, and...
I have a few dozen things I'm great at and that is way too confusing for most people to understand. I post about sewing one day, then I post about anime, then I do some crochet, then I post a few nature pics and then I draw people being mutilated and then I write a story about vampires.

The point is that everyone has their key feature that attracts similar minded people to them and I have my mind wrapped around too many things.

Lately I've been feeling like my style is channeling a dandy version of Courtney Love. Because it is fall, aka cool jackets and sweater season and I have been getting hella enthusiastic and making jackets and vest all summer to prepare for this glorious season. And scarves. Oh boy do I love scarves.
I have an entire garment rack of outerwear.... and I recently bought two new cardigans for 15$. Score.

Like, wow. Nobody tells me what to do, ok? I get enough horseshit about my 'limits' from the bony prison formerly known as my body. I do what I want and I do it fabulously, and the only way you'll stop me is by putting me in the grave. I really do not care about what is 'rational' or 'realistic'. It's not realistic for someone as young as me to suffer like I do from invisible illness, so why the fuck should anything else in my life be the same? I don't want to follow the pattern. Nothing in my life has followed it so far so why would my success in life follow that too? I want to smash the machine and anyone who tells me I can't do it is just encouraging me.

I did not check to see if my doll has enough resin in her torso to carve something into it and now I am looking at a bit of a problem and now I am also ordering a lot more epoxy. I'm not giving up on the mod I had in mind I just like, have to find a new way to do it. 

idek

Looking through blogger's widgets and I am amused, because they put in all these neat options to add in random pictures of puppy, or scantily clad women. You can even put in a little counter to show people what your current weight is. (What the fuck is that even used for? Who the fuck would care?) But the widget I am looking for I can't find.

I will probably have to learn how to make widgets happen. Right now I am trying to learn needle tatting and tbh, I think I am doing pretty damn good. I've done a few basic edgings which makes me proud because I mostly wanted to learn tatting for the sake of making some cute lace to put on doll clothes.

doll custom post #3

I have no pictures for this update, right now I am just working on sand, sanding, sanding. I must say that while smoothing out the doll faces, I didn't get any "resin smell", but as I sanded down the chest piece to the torso, I've noticed that even though I sand completely submerged in water in a well ventilated room while wearing a face mask, I can still smell the the highly toxic resin dust, which I shouldn't, be cause the dust is all under water. :l

I'm pretty sure this is just my extreme sensitivity to chemical odors (I get nauseous just from using a sharpie for a few seconds) but it still feels kind of worrying. I'd go outside to sand but it's too hot and I will def. get sick if I do that, so I will just deal w/ resin smell because i know all the dust is going in the water.

doll custom blog #2- sanding extravaganza.

Mapping out where all them eyes go. I feel as though I'm gonna need a power drill or the paitience of sanding through the thick resin of her forehead. Whoever recasted this one really didn't skimp out on making her head solid! This is going to take a long time!

I'm still wet sanding w/ 800 grit on Ariel. I've got a lot of her smoothed out, and the gashes aren't so deep, they will just take a lot of smoothing out. Her lips def. need reshaping. 

No pics of An or Chloe yet. Chloe, I decided is going to be an Emilie Autumn look alike. 

doll customs #1

So I've finally gotten to uploading the pictures of my bait dolls here. So exciting.

Tinker assists me in opening a box of doll heads. In my box was: 

1. bobobie MSD sized body, 3 part torso. mature sculpt

2. bobobie ariel head in white skin, damaged
3. resinsoul An head, NS, damaged
4. MNF soo w/ elf ears. tannihs skin. probably recast. severely damaged.
5. recasted chloe head in pink skin, in wonderful condition! 

This is Arial. She was listed as having "chipping" damage but rather, it looks less like chipping and more like being sanded too roughly, perhaps with a dremel tool? In any case, I plan on resculpting her ridiculously large ears, reshaping her lips, and giving her a good sanding. The damage here isnt too bad, she just needs a good go over w/ some 8o grit then to be finished up with some 1200. I may add more to her lips with apoxie since I love bobobie's sculpts... with the exception of their chicken lips! 

This is AN. It looks like someone attacked his lips with sand paper, and I don't understand WHY, since I'm sure the correct way to improve him would be to add, not subtract? WTF is it with bjd owners and their weird "tiny lips are superioir" thing? How awful. He's unevenly modded which means that I'll just have to apoxie up his lips, and while I'm at it, make his eyes a bit smaller, too. 

This is Chloe, idk why her sculpt is so popular, she's barely a step above poor anime proportions facially, I think my Mei is a better looking doll. She's not very pretty though she is 100% in tact and her recasting is flawless, I would never have known she was a boot leg. I will probably just give her the best face up can manage and see if that helps. 

It looks like someone sanded her eyes open too much... then filled them back in unevenly. I know this one is a recast since fairyland doesn't offer this weird "tan but not that tan" resin color. Her resin is thick and good quality. Since she is so damaged, I'm going to do something crazy with her... definitely add an extra set of eyes and sculpt on some horns. I hate anime proportions, especially with dolls. Her tiny pointy nose, weird chin, and barely there lips are freakish, and unfixable. She will just have to be an alien, because clearly she's not passing as human.   

The mnf head on the body... it's so.... annie may.  Blegh. I wonder if I'm going to bjd hell for saying that I'm not impressed by fairyland? Probably. 

The three part torso is very nice and poseable! I almost considered putting my Mei on it and using her two part torso instead... but I'm lazy and it would b easier to do the mod I want on a three part body. I plan on carving out a hole in her chest and sculpting an inlay of a heart, then making it appear as though the heart is in a cage. I'm gonna need a lot of sandpaper and apoxie for this one. Her nipples are so weird and pointy, why would doll need pointy nipples, or nipples at all, for that matter? Oh well, thats why I'm gonna need to buy a fuckton of sandpaper before this is all over. 

It was said the doll had staining but this doesn't look like staining to me, it just looks like they didn't remove the blushing all the way. And even still, I think some hand tattoes and scarring are also a must have for her. My concept for this one is that of a fallen, and mutilated angel. Woo hoo!

doe deere, lime crime lies

Right now I am drawing a series of pen drawings based off Doe Deere/ Lime Crime's idiotic lies. Because I am always by internet drama and what happens when people get "caught".

sewing grumblies: good lace vs. bad lace

For me, the most important thing is using lace good for a project, which like, a lot of lolita/mori/dollykei people seem to fuck up on. 

Good lace:
-not itchy
-polyblend or natural fiber
-often times netting, tatting, embroidery, faggoting, crocheted, cluny, eyelet, or venice lace.

Bad lace:
-itchy
-looks like plastic
-makes your project look like a sissy toddler pageant bullshit factory. 

-usually raschel lace, though sometime raschel lace can be made at a good quality, most raschel lace is very poor quality and should be avoided. If it comes on a roll for 1$ at michaels, it's probably grods cheap raschel lace, and hardly even suitable for scrap booking, much less clothing.

Sometimes if you use some lower quality lace, it's ok it's less than an inch wide, or used on same color arrangements. Always avoid using lace on any hem line that directly touches the skin!!! It will be itchy and you will hate yourself. 

https://www.etsy.com/transaction/80592383?

Example: This. Cheap lace+ your skin= bad! Nobody likes itchy, scratchy lace all up against their bare skin.

You can find good lace online for the same price that you can get cheap lace at a craft store. Search etsy in the supplies section, tons of cheap asian laces for less than 1$ per yard, and all of them are good quality! Try ebay or just google up lace whole sale. If it looks cheap- it's cheap. If it looks nice but has a low price tag- thank heavens for whole salers online. You don't have to pay a lot for good lace! I personally have bought tons of nice lace at garage sales and thrifts store for dollars.

Just please, don't use cheap gross itchy lace. 

doll customs sketches

While I wait for the arrival of my custom bait dolls, I'm doing some ideas and sketching.

Since they're baity, I would like to do things with them that I would not normally entertain the idea of, like carving, adding multiple eyes or horns, and other mods that would otherwise ruin a perfectly intact piece of resin.

Hussie is cool but his girlfriend is annoying.

I just wrote a rather angry email to MSPA's "infrongement protection" squad as to why their claiming that my gothic lolita spade design wasn't Homestuck and why them getting my stuff taken down was retarded.

OK, I didn't use the word retard (a rather rare example of holding myself back, I know) but I did call them arrogant and told them to take their heads out of their bum because not everything is Homestuck.

A Timeline for Melissa Regan

Or "I'm not saying Melissa is a pedophile, I'm just saying if the FBI got a hold of her computer she'd be fucked." I figured that in many years, when Superhell is a best seller.... people are going to ask "what even inspired THIS character?" and this is it! Note: I have been a complete asshole in the past, and I will be the first does not only highlight the kind of fucked up pedophile shota enthusiast Melissa is, but the kind of wanky jerk I can be for even posting this stuff. I can be a wanker sometimes but Melissa is a special kind of wanker. I'm just a common household wanker who writes wanky articles about GradeA wankers. God, that's a lot of wanking, isn't it, and we even haven't gotten to the pedophilia shota yet! Note: My layout only shows link as  different color when you roll over them so please be sure to scroll over the post to see all the links! Because I've got lots of them and they're tons of fun.

Let's begin, I met Melissa when I was still young and underage in the "Kuroshitsuji" fandom. We were one of the earliest really active fanficcers in this fandom and I wanted to get to know her. I added her and I was excited because she posted a lot and we had a lot of fandoms and similar hobbies like cosplay in common. For awhile, her LJ page was something of a "hub" for a lot of kuro fans, especially sebaciel shippers. I met many friends through commenting on her posts, actually. But Melissa and I are two very different writers, she has no trouble glamorizing pedophilia or rape; and I have no problem mocking her for doing so. Of course, the good SJWs will tell you that you should never mock people who glorify rape and child abuse and only show them love and support in hopes they will change. I say, "fuck that". I'm not a nice person.

I used to be a nice person, in fact, I became good friends with Melissa. As much as I dislike her now, I was of her closest white knights once-upon-a-time. I'd comment on her posts and all of her fics with so much praise. I was her biggest fan. Remembering this actually makes me feel nauseous, where the fuck is my odansetron??? I was a total sap for Melissa's traps and I admit that I'm ashamed of how much of a clueless sap I was. Anyways, I would always be there if she needed help. I even sent her care packages full of muffins, fan art and writing I had hand written for her. She really didn't talk to me unless she wanted a chance to talk about herself or her latest fics. If I was sad, she didn't give much of a shit. If she was sad, I'd rush for the chance to help her. She'd keep her 'friends' wrapped around her finger, always on the ready if she needed their help.

Being friends with Melissa is like being her dog, she wants all her friend to love and obey her, but she doesn't actually wants friends. She only wants fans who fawn over her and eat up her bullshit like it's fine russian caviar. She doesn't want to reciprocate a friendship, and if you ever question her- you're out. And you're not only out when Melissa decides she's done with you- you're harassed, talked and attacked by all the people who are still in her groups of 'friends'. Melissa does not have true friends, she only has saps that will suck up to her. I was one of those saps. I was stuck in a one sided friendship with someone who didn't give a shit about me and would throw me under the bus when it would benefit her to do so. I tried to be the best most supportive friend to my kawaii amazing deep senpai Melissa-sama, she used me and betrayed me when it suited her. I feel this post is just as much about Melissa as it is a warning about how not to get fucked over by people you think were your pals.

There was a post on an LJ community called "fandomsecret" which is postsecret and back in the day, posting a secret about someone on fs was an easy way to start up a wankstorm... and this was a hurricane katrina sized wankstorm. Someone posted a secret about Melissa on fandomsecret.

The secret is true, though it is quite callous. The entire thread is very long and full of Melissa causing more trouble by responding to it with her friends. If you scroll down, a bunch of roleplayers start causing shenanigans and the entire thread is fucking hilarious, I might add. So if all this wank is tiring you, check out the rp threads on that parent thread because they're fucking funny. There was a huge, and rather informative post about the great and fabulous Melissa aka Moon Maiden on sf_drama. The sfdrama has stuff where I kind of defend Melissa. This however was the last fucking time I would say anything even positive, or even neutral about Melissa. Ironically, I had a conversation that someone should totally make a fanfic about that, which I ended up doing.

She blamed me for writing that secret. I should explain here, as I've been explaining for quite a few years now, I never made that secret about Melissa! I said a lot of really horrible things about her (like this whole post, as a horrible truth is still horrible) but I would have never said something so horrible about a friend. Melissa was still my friend when that was posted and I did my best to console her and tell her that I'd never do something to her and told her how much I valued her and our friendship. However, LJ has a feature that lets you friend-filter people into different groups. So while she was being consoled by me over this, she was telling all her other friends that I wrote that secret. She also said a bunch of horrible shit about my dead parent and the rest of my family and told everyone I was just some jealous bitch addicted to heroin. Then she posted a video of herself crying about the fandom, and essentially acted like I was the one who posted that secret, even though she knew that I didn't.

After that, Melissa's friends would come out of the wood work and essentially "cyberbullied" me. I messaged Melissa asking her why she did to me, and, I begged her for forgiveness. She did not care. I was out. I was the enemy to her, and she wanted to destroy me. For something I never did. It was at this point, that I was fucking sick of her. So a friend of mine and I decided to pull some shenanigans on Melissa. Now, I'm not saying that Melissa is a pedophile, I'm just saying that if the FBI investigated her computer, she'd be fucked. At he time, Melissa was a student in Japan and to make some more money, she would do a shopping service for child pornography shotacon doujinshi. In Japan doujins cost 3-5 US$ each... and resellers usually sell them for around 20-40$US preshipping. As college is expensive, and since Melissa went an extremely expensive, religious liberal arts college  she figured this would make a lot of money.

But drawn out kiddie porn shotacon is illegal to transport to and sell over statelines in the united states. People at cons do get away with it because they say everyone's over 18 even if they aren't, and blah blah "it's just an art style". Not Melissa. She locked a lot of her live journal but she would post pictures and even organize that doujinshi she was selling by the kink, and in some she would say which ones had the abuse victim shota looking 'extra young'. Obviously, I don't have a bunch of caps because she locked up her LJ but I had a few screencaps of her LJ, which I then.... sent to her school in Japan. And before you call me a stalker, she posted about her school all the time, which school she went to, who her teachers were, what and when her classes took place- you know the drill. She has no idea what internet privacy is. I didn't have to do any stalking since Melissa gave me the information anyways. I sent screen caps of her doujinshi sales and some text from her fanfics to her schools in the US and Japan, as well as to the FBI.

 Soon enough, Melissa's LJ was locked and nobody on LJ heard from her again. All her posts about Japan and her child porno shota were all locked up to the public where nobody could view them. About a month later, Melissa was back in the states. During this time there was that really awful tsunami that hit Tokyo, and Melissa claims that was the reason why she was back in the states. However, she went to school in the Kansai area of Japan, and was actually quite far away from Tokyo and very far away from any areas that had been hit by the tsunami or any of the radiated waste. Which is to say, that Melissa got kicked out of Japan for selling child porn shota doujinshi and my shenanigans are the reason why. People have railed on me for this, calling me a kink shamer and what all but it's simple as this: Melissa broke the law. I reported it. It doesn't matter what I did, she still broke the law. However, she's totally fine now, and works and crunchy roll and even feels secure in leaving links to her rape-glorifying fanfics on her resume. Melissa loves being a pedophile shotacon enthusiast and doesn't care if the whole world (including future and current employers) knows.

On a related side note, Melissa's favorite pairing seems to be Sebastian/Ciel from Kuroshitsuji, as she's written literal hundreds of fanfics about them. While OTPs are common, it is illadvised to dress your brother up as Sebastian and take a romantic photoshoot with him. While this isn't damning in of itself (though it is creepy no matter who does it), her constant fixation of SebaCiel is just made even creepier by her love of shota and the fact that one of her most popular fanfics, "Skeletons", features the Elric Brothers incestual relationship.... oh, and her brother was underaged when this happened. I feel like we should fund a kickstarter to buy him some therapy.

Pic related: Melissa and her boyfriend brother. Oh, how you must wish I were joking....

Also pictured: Melissa's real boyfriend.

Anyways, I've featured Melissa more than once in Superhell!, in fact she's a reoccurring character in it. I did this because of- all of the above. Our friendship was abusive and I wanted to have some shenanigans. I think after years of her using me, I get to have a laugh or two about it. Plus, I think it's a lot worse to be a  batshit insane pedophile 'prolific' SebaCiel fanwriter than it is to make fun of one. Superhell! is not a flattering representation of Melissa's behavior, though by all means, it's an accurate one. Superhell! is basically a satire that mocks fancommunities and the fucked up side of fandom and fandom culture. She's as crazy in real life as she is in Superhell!, you can trust me on that because her reaction to Superhell! was butt-fucking cray cray and I was illprepared for what would happen next.

I was clusterfucked by a wave of anon that you would not imagine for nearly three months. It was absolutely intolerable, and all my deleting and blocking could not stop it. I even took a three month hiatus from updating Superhell! because I could not handle the kind of ramming my inbox had received. At the worst point, I had received IRL hate mail via a post office box from a friend of Melissa's, Madeleine Elizabeth Plaut calling me a cunt, bitch, and among others things, telling me to go kill myself and she told me that it was a pity that my past suicide attempts in my preteen years didn't work. Of course I knew most of then had to be written or provoked by Melissa, as she is one of the few friends I had ever told about my struggle with getting the shit kicked out of me in middleschool. Melissa also had my home address. Recently I have confirmed without doubt Madeleine as the true sender of the letters that threatened me and told me to kill myself, though it was obvious because she's Melissa's #1 White Knight and lives in the same town where the PO was marked from. I had intercepted and burned all the letters so my family would not see them. because I am ashamed that I have ever known Melissa. She had one of her fans who I assume lived near me follow me around my college and say fucked up things like, "Melissa knows where you live and we're going to get you!". I'd hate to admit to them that I was actually her friend and she knew where I lived because I sent her gifts. She also called me on my phone and threatened to kill me and my family. After that, I didn't leave my house for a few months. But after awhile I learned to accustom myself to my "new life", as it would seem. Since she didn't actually kill me and I have no intentions of ever killing myself, I will keep calm, and carry on with the Superhell! project. After all, it would be a shame to let all his suffering go to waste when I could be writing about it and finally putting my friendship with Melissa to good use.

But yes, this is my weaboo horror story of Melissa and why she inspires me as writer, because reality is stranger than fanfiction.

plastic makes perfect

I am enjoying Ayria's new album so much. I expected to like it as I've enjoyed the past three albums and I am happy that it was always as great as it's been. Now only if industrial acts would play in my area.

Common Household Parasite

I posted a preview of CHP on my DA account.

http://theamazingfetus.deviantart.com/art/Common-Household-Parasite-preview-376362004

I am under the impression that submissions to online databases and what all are p. much bullshit, but I'm trying them anyways. I don't think any one really uses those databases, based solely on he fact that I consider myself kinda' interbutts savvy and I hadn't heard of them before.Oh well, I figure blowing 45 minutes isn't going to harm and it might help.

shenanigans

I think everything I do I call shenanigans in some way. Being a dick? Shenanigans. Just hanging around? Up to shenanigans? Writing Superhell! ? Literary shenanigans.

I even named my cat Shenanigans.


Pictured: Spooky Shenanigans

I think about how much she hates me, and I'm okay with it. We used to be two halves of the same being but now we're split in two and we've gone in wildly different directions from one another. We used to meet in the middle but we've flung ourselves in opposite ways. I'm sure that I would seem unrecognizable to her. She is soft and springy like the country side, like hand crocheted lace or a nice picnic, or a cabin in the woods next a brook. She is open and airy and natural. I am artifice at it's most elaborate. I am cold and metallic and sharpened like steel blades. I think I would notice her right away.

I have a serious problem with buying cheap things. I usually don't like buying anything over 30$, but I'll gladly buy four things for 10$ a piece, it's kind of fucking ridiculous because I won't buy books at the bookstore but I'll go off and buy a bunch of books second hand from amazon and spend just as much, if not more than I would've spent on new book at the bookstore.

Glamorama

Because I am forever late to the party, I finally finished Glamorama. I really liked it, I thought it was great, but Ellis is one of my favorite authors to begin with. It's really not surprising that I found Glamorama enjoyable, I really don't have much else to say about it other than I liked it, and if you like Ellis's writing too, you should probably read it because it's totally legit

I bought some glitter cross printed fabric which makes me super excited. It's a cream base with darker-ivory crosses printed with bright gold glitter cross printed over it and I can't wait to get hipster with it. I am totally thinking a simple rectangle skirt with lace though I am not sure if I want to go with a really high quality crochet lace in ivory to match the print or if I want to be tacky and use gold lace, which I think will be of lower quality but make the skirt flashier and easier to sell. Or just no lace at all though I have a cavalcade of HQ cluny I could use and every time I see it I swoon a little.

I don't know why I have a blog, all I do is study medicine and do art.

a review of terrible lipstick

 I bought rimmel's kate moss nude matte lipstick, after reading some positive online reviews about the quality of rimmel's kate moss line, it seemed good for me. I've always wanted to try a nude lip but after buying a nude lipglass from mac, it was sort of ruined by mac's awful quality, texture, and sheerness. This lipstick managed to be even worse.  It is on par with mac for being both a disappointment and waste of money. It might be slightly better because it doesn't make my lips stick together like gooey oatmeal, but the scent is horrid. I got a  migraine from this lipstick, This lipstick was so bad it was physically painful to use. That is the extent to which it is terrible, and I wish drug stores had a "if this cosmetic product is bad, you should be able to refund/exchange it" policy,... but they don't and that always makes buying makeup (that isn't from aromaleigh) something of an unpleasant process for me. The packaging is very pretty, and I think it's the perfect lipstick packaging. Red, black, classy. yep the packaging is everything I'd want my makeup to look like but the actual product itself is so mindbogglingly poor quality and terrible that I would never put it on or near my body again. Also I tried layering it with mac's see-through lipglass which basically looked ok for two seconds but had an extremely unpleasant texture, disgusting taste, appalling, rancid smell, and over all was a form of brutalizingly torturing myself. I would not suggest anyone try either of those products. I am a mac hater, though i do like rimmel's other lip products. They have a nice black lipgloss, and you don't know how hard it is to find a black lipgloss, much less one that layers well.

Reason why you should not buy this lipstick:
-It smells like nasty watermelon formaldehyde death flavored jolly ranchers.
-It tastes pretty much the same, but with an aftershock of acetone and wax.
-It is streaky and patchy.
-It is way too sheer, even if you layer a nude gloss over it.
-It will settle into the lines of your lips.
-It will settle even worse with gloss.
-It's pretty much as bad as mac's see-though lipglass except slightly cheaper and a lipstick.

Reasons why you should buy this lipstick:
-You're a masochist.
-You enjoy wasting money.

Nobody paid me to say this.
I just feel passionate about the extent to which this product was an absolute shame to lipsticks everywhere and how, for another two years, I will continue just using shades of red or black on my lips. One of these days I'm going to actually buy something that doesn't disappoint me greatly or make me feel guilty for wasting money on it.

of the knights templar

I'm obviously not a member of any secret organization, because I am female and they wouldn't let me in, anyways. They also would not let me in because I can be described as a boarish, unladylike, vile, lude, socially inept monster truck of a female. So I probably wouldn't make it in anyways. However, that doesn't mean anything since anyone can become an honorary freemason, at least aesthetically, just by buying vintage stuff on ebay or etsy. I've always enjoyed hokey, inaccurate representations of the Illuminati/freemasons/knight's templar, even before it was a craze on 4chan. I like it because it's become some silly ridiculous myth that nobody actually believes in, even while those orders and club still exist as meeting grounds for older men who were let out of the nursing home for the evening. I also enjoy cosplay and apparently taking unflattering photographs of myself.

shitty female singers and why I love them

.....Their fashion, obviously! I won't argue with anyone over the 'good sides' of pop punk (there are none as far I'm concerned. fuck that noise) and I don't enjoy this new snarky-pop pastel-alternative idea. It's nothing more than a stand in for preppy girls who don't have the balls to be goth but still want to somehow showcase their inner pain like a goth. However, I really like singers like Marina Diamandis and Taylor Momsen because of fashion.

Terrible musicians, but excellent fashion inspiration. So I like following them around but it's not because I like their music, I just up-to-date on whatever it is that they're wearing, because it's great.

Some necklaces I made recently. I find that the hardest thing about crafting so much is not the actual crafting, because I really love making things for hours on end. I find that I'm really productive but when it comes to photographing, editing, and posting the items in my shop it's so hard to get the motivation to do it all. Especially since I try to make everything as low priced as I can without skimping on the quality of the materials, sometimes it's easier to just give it away to friends than to take all the time it takes to post it online. I think I have 50+ items I need to post and it's just like, I'm broke as hell but is it worth it... I better go ask someone if they'd like it as a gift, first. And so, I make next to no revenue at all. Though I'd rather to do this than to do any other job because I don't really need that much money anyways.

Thoughts about tumblr...

I'm like, "did I seriously participate in that?". It's like high school except I didn't change my name and pretend to be a different person afterwards.

I've started calling things "banana sandwich". I don't even like Dane Cook. I hate Dane Cook and I think he's a terrible comedian. I just can't stop calling things banana sandwich unironically.
What the actual hell.

book review #1

For X-mas this year I received a large pile of books. Which is great because what I essentially did this year was just hand my amazon wishlist to my family and ask them to buy me cheap paperbacks because last semester I learned the value of having decent fiction to carry around with you. When you have one class that ends at 9AM and the next doesn't start until 3PM, it gets tedious and there is only so much studying you can do every day before you really just need more books.

So, in order to make the whole 'figuring out the cname' task a decent excursion actually worth the time I did that I am going to review all of these books.... and whatever ones I buy after this, which probably won't happen for awhile. So, the first was "The Casual Vacancy" by JK Rowling because I've been waiting and waiting, and waiting for that book the second it came out and I was waiting to unwrap and read it. Because I love Harry Potter and I think Rowling is a fantastic writer. So the sheer excitement and hype over this new, amazing JK Rowling novel was astounding. I went into this literary adventure with the best possible attitude, which is a fact you should remember before you read the rest of this review...

But this book bored the everloving shit out of me. Wow, I was bored to tears in the first two chapters and man, I tried to make it to the third but it was so incredibly dull that I couldn't even be motivated to read it while sitting on the toiler without any better books near by. Don't get me wrong, JK Rowling's writing is truly flawless. There is no flaw in her writing, and if I actually went through this book word by word I probably could find no error at all in the way she writes. She's just a brilliant writer in every possible way when it comes down to word choice, grammar, sentence structure- Rowling is the boss here. As I read this book I found her writing, skill-wise to be as amazing as it always was and always will be, perhaps even better in a technical sense than Harry Potter. You can really see where Rowling's word choice and style really enhances whatever she writes, and she's only improved over the years.

Still, you can be one of the best writers in the history of the english language and still write a boring book. This book is a bore to read. It is a chore to read and I feel bad for wasting my aunt's money for asking her to buy this book. I can see where the social issues come into practice. I can see the importance of the messages in this book. I can see where it does make a great social commentary. I know that it's an accurate portrayal of many issues in Britain and the Rowling truly does go out of her way to write well and to write about social issues with grace and without judgement. I get that, I really do appreciate that she would write a novel like this that goes to view those who are disadvantaged in not a favorable light, but in a light that is understanding and does not put them blame on them. I think that as a writer and as a person, she does take her own personal experience of living in poverty and uses that to create a very realistic portrayal. I am just so bored to death by it that I can't seem to care at all about it's message or the importance of it.

I'd give this book a 0/10 because you can write beautifully and still create a book that is unforgivably and inexcusably boring. the excellent writing in style does not always mean an excellent read. this was a terrible read and I found it to the surgical wisdom tooth extraction of novels. I mistakenly folded over the corner of one of the pages, and tragically, I can not regift it so it will sit on my shelf forever, being unfinished because finishing it would be a fruitless exercise in punishing myself because I have so many more books left to read.

I honestly don't know why I made this. I spent an hour figuring out how nameservers work and I'm still pretty  sure that I have no idea how to program anything but I got it to work as blog.theamazingfet.us and that's a pretty good accomplishment for me. Now I'm going to get my .html all up in this even though I'm pretty bad at .html and even more abysmal at graphic design.
Would it be easier to keep a template? Yes! But nobody understands my love of monochrome and simplicity  so it's difficult for me to find a template that suits my needs.