I think about how much she hates me, and I'm okay with it. We used to be two halves of the same being but now we're split in two and we've gone in wildly different directions from one another. We used to meet in the middle but we've flung ourselves in opposite ways. I'm sure that I would seem unrecognizable to her. She is soft and springy like the country side, like hand crocheted lace or a nice picnic, or a cabin in the woods next a brook. She is open and airy and natural. I am artifice at it's most elaborate. I am cold and metallic and sharpened like steel blades. I think I would notice her right away.

I have a serious problem with buying cheap things. I usually don't like buying anything over 30$, but I'll gladly buy four things for 10$ a piece, it's kind of fucking ridiculous because I won't buy books at the bookstore but I'll go off and buy a bunch of books second hand from amazon and spend just as much, if not more than I would've spent on new book at the bookstore.