Yesterday I tried experimenting with dying more of my cotton tatting threads. I used some different kind of teas, trying to get some mottled pink and ecru colors going on. They really don't sell any good crochet thread in colors here, they sell acrylic crochet thread but you really can't use that stuff for tatting because it won't stand up to the tension and snap. The only colors I can find around here are white, off white, dark red, and that is it. I would like to work with some gray threads but they don't have them here, and it's far too expensive for me to buy specialty made tatting thread on line, or buy a few skeins of dmc pearl embroidery threads which is even more expensive.

I have a weird fixation on tatting with black thread and peacock colored sead beeds, though tbh, even though when I buy them they're always labeled "peacock" or "carnival", but I think they actually remind a lot more of iridescent jewel beetle wings than anything else. But maybe craft suppliers don't call them that because most people thick all bugs= icky and not some bugs= pretty neat. I made a long split ring chain just using these and the same simple 4-4/4-4 pattern, not sure what sort of pendant I'll put on it but I really like making tatted chains, they're lighter than metal chains so it's great if you like layering necklaces buuuut they cost like, three times as much to make. They go through about 6$ worth of thread and 3$ worth of beads, making the cost of producing a tatted necklace chain to 9$+ the, y'know, six hours of tatting it takes to make them lol. As compared to y'know, that I can buy enough chain for 9$ to make four necklaces and it takes me like, 10 minutes tops to make a simple pendant necklace. So it's def. not the method you want to use to keep costs low.

pictured above: in progress of a tatted collar/choker I am working on. Rarely do I ever make shorter necklaces because I like wearing my necklaces nice and long so I can just pull them over my head and layer a few of them together... so this one will be headed to the shop as soon as I can. finish it. woo hoo.

I changed the theme on my storenvy, I really like it. The background and logo used to be very dark, but I think that the lighter background and design are much nicer, plus the new themed has a much more rococo inspired look to it, but with moths. :) I love my nocturnal winged bros.

I swear I have called almost every single doctor in the area, and almost all of them simply will not see new patients at all, I even called doctors who don't take my insurance, and it was a no, because they aren't taking new patients and won't even accept me if I pay upfront in cash. Not even within the scope of my small town, I mean every doctor within a two hour drive of my location. I've even tried contacting an osteopath or naturopath, and nothing. And every endocrinologist in the area outright refuses to see patients without a referral from a GP, because it's "in high demand" and they don't want to "waste their time". (More reasons for me to dislike the idiots of the world who ate their way into type-two diabetes) And no, talking to my current doctors office will not, and has never helped me at all, they are so fucking stupid that I'd probably get better treatment from a fake doctor in a third world country than I would at their office. I don't even get to speak with the actual doctor at my current gp's office, I get to speak with the PA; who may be nice and cute and polite but being nice and cute and polite doesn't mean that she actually knows what the fuck she's talking about because she very clearly, does not.

 I have nothing against PAs. I see the PA at my neurologists office and she is great and helpful. I'm not even against doctors, most doctors I met have been great and thanks to my numerous health problems- I've seen a lot of doctors in my life. It's just that my GP and everyone at their office is horribly incompetent, idiotic, and will not offer me decent healthcare at all despite the fact that I actually really need some goddamn heath care. It's not like I've stubbed my toe and spent almost two years whining about it. I have what is an extremely damaging and harmful endocrine disease that is slowly destroying my body and ruining every aspect of my entire life. This is not something you want your doctors to dick around with. Yet they have: dismissed all of my claims at every possible moment, have blown me off when I have tried to schedule many, many appointments, won't give me a referral to see an endo, take over two months to get the results of my bloodwork then inform me that they've actually lost some of my blood and couldn't even get all the test results back, told me that I am "just depressed" and should consider taking an antidepressant (no I did not get a psych eval before they said this), and the most they've been willing to help me with is send me off to a dermatologist for my hair loss who told me that my scalp is perfectly healthy and it' s probably falling out because of a hormonal imbalance... then I asked them for a referral to an endo and they ignored me time and time again and won't even answer my calls and I've been trying to get a new doctor for months and now I'm taking questionably legal pills because thats literally the only option I am left with.

I'm pretty sure the reason why they are the only doctor in the area is because nobody else in their right mind would want to see them. I certainly don't. The only reason why I'd step foot in their office again is to scream loudly at the patients in the waiting room with, 'stop what you are doing and LEAVE this awful place!'.

I should see if there is a site where you can rate your doctors because I'd love to copy/paste this review about them on there.

It is snowing horribly today and I normally don't complain about the weather ever but all this dark and gloom is *killing* my photography time, and I have a lot of jewelry that I want to show off and thats not going to happen until I can get some decent natural lighting, since I really don't like artificial light for photos.

In the mean time, I have a lot of rhinestone work to do... a have all these pendants and a skulls to bedazzle. 

I still feel horrible but I've gotten a lot of sales on my shop lately and that just goes right along and fills my heart with joy. I didn't really notice how happy selling things made me, even the small items I'm not actually making money on, until I made like three sales in a week and I just really can't contain my feels right now. It feels nice and wonderful having even some money to be made back.I also have money in my paypal so I can buy more thyroid medication which really helps improve my day.

what can i say i am easy to please

another thyroid post

I've dosed myself up to three pills. So far, not much has changed, but it's been only about two weeks and I've obviously spent a great deal of time with hypothyroid symptoms so I'm not expecting it to hit my body all at once. though with the amount I've been taking I haven't noticed any hyperthyroid symptoms which I probably would be by now if my body had normal thyroid hormone ranges to begin with, as I've been ingesting what can considered a reasonable extra amount of thyroid hormones. THe plus side is that I'm not oding myself on pig hormones, the downside is that these pills are expensive and I'm going to need a whole fucking lot of them.

also, I have changed the banner image to this blog. I like this change a lot

thyroid day four and five

day four- nothing to report. I feel a bit let down that it's not working right away even though I know that it takes week of raising your dose to symptom help to make it work right. I'm just being impatient.

day five- nothing to report. same, same, same. gettin; some writing done. i really want to create big post with all the tatted hearts I have made.

thyroid madness day three

Most of the time I am so sick and so tired that I can't see any way out of my situation except for death. Today I only thought about killing myself less than five times and I think that's a great track record to have.  I really have no more to report? I just feel like I'm in a better more hopeful mood and I'm feelin' a little more creative. it's not a lot. it's something but I'll take just a little bit of something over never ending pain and despair. 

thyroid madness day two

I feel better than I did yesterday, because I don't have a headache. I didn't sleep very well, I had one nightmare after another, I woke up twice at 3 and at 6. I woke up at 11:30 to take my thyroid pill and I took it but then I sorta passed out and slept on my bedroom floor until around 2:30.

Not much to report. I feel how I always do. Tired and sick.